Tuesday, August 08, 2006


McDonalds Bitch, Bitch, Bitch.

McDonalds Bitch, Bitch, Bitch.

Something caught my eye this week.  It was a posting by a female (Woman? Girl?  Probably a girl.) at a website called Fast Food News.  Her name is Joanna and she works at a McDonalds in Walker, Louisiana.  Joanna has posted a list of “McRules”, otherwise known as “Things not to do when visiting McDonalds.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, this female (Woman? Girl?  Probably girl.) is the exact reason I do not go to McDonalds anymore.
It’s really simple.  I’m a nice guy.  I worked in both retail and in the restaurant business so I know how crappy people can be.  When I go to a store or a restaurant I am very nice.  I understand, I smile, I joke, I tip well.  If something goes wrong I do not blow my top.
But I can only take so much, and this my friends is it.  This list of things not to do at McDonalds blows my mind.
Instead of ranting and raving, I will post a few points on the list and reply as they apply to me.
Her post is in italics.  I have not changes the spelling or grammar of her points.

Don't confuse franchises! We don't Biggie size, we don't have onion rings or nachos, and no...you may not "Have it your way."

Nice to know the worlds problems have been solved enough for you to care enough about this little thing.  But you know what, if I want to “Biggie Size”. “Jumbo Size” or “Just fucking give me the big stuff!” I will because I am (wait for it) the customer.  It’s my money paying your salary and I will order whatever way I want.

If you ordered a burger without pickles and they somehow ended up there anyway... just pick them off because that's all I'm going to do when you bring it back to me to "fix it."

No, I will bring it back and get you to do it, for it was YOUR job to make sure they didn’t get there in the first place.  But hey, if you are willing to knock a few cents off my order for me doing your job, I’ll take it.
BTW:  I always order no pickles and no onions.  The onions are chopped and sprinkled over the cheese so that when I get the burger they are part of a big old ketchup/cheese/onion mess.  Am I expected to go through the burger with a magnifying glass and tweasers to remove that which should not have been there in the first place?
No pickles, no onions.  If you do your job we don’t have a problem, if you don’t do your job then I will dam well make sure you do!

Don't come into the lobby two minutes before we close. Chances are I've already cleaned, and it will only cause me to do unspeakable things to your (already stale) food.”

Two minutes before closed is still open.  I don’t care if you had just washed the walls to a gleeming shine.  Open is open and when you are open you should be prepared to make food.

If you don't see tomatoes on the sandwich in the picture don't [f#@%ing] ask me to take them off. The Big Mac has been around for ages... it doesn't have tomatoes.”

Wha??????  Who cares?  If I ask for no tomatoes just ignore it and it will go away.  Seriously, you are investing too much of your life in this job.

When I hand you your food and say "Have a nice day," you better respond with a smile, a "Thanks, you too," or at least acknowledge my existence. Its called being polite people.Wow.”

Yeah, the same kind of polite you have been on this post.  So what if I don’t reply?  What are you gonna do?  And why is my acknowledging your existance so damn important to you?  

If you dont speak english well, bring an interpreter.. if not dont get upset when your order gets messed up.”

Ah yes, it’s the immigrants fault.  No wonder no one acknowledges your existence.

Keep your sweaty, wrinkly bills to yourself, along with your sticky change.”

Sweaty, wrinkly bills are still legal tender.  You’ll take them and be happy someone has acknowledged your existence.

Please dont order a combo and then when i ask what kind of drink you tell me you dont want one. that defeats the whole purpose of ordering a fucking combo idiot!”

I will order what I want HOW I want.  You will take the order how I give it too you.  That’s how this relationship works.

After you pay, proceed to the next window if noone is in front of you.. Our buisness is over.”

I thought you wanted us to acknowledge your existence?

Please learn what time breakfast ends and lunch starts. no .. i dont serve burritos all day. This is not jack-in-the-box.”

No.  It’s not my job to memorize your menu by ingredients, learn when you are open and when you no longer serve what.  If I ask for a breakfast item at two in the afternoon all you have to say is “breakfast is no longer being served.”  What is that, three seconds out of your non acknowledged life?

If your card is declined.. dont ask why and assume its our fault. Put some damn money in the bank cheap ass.”

Except sometimes it is your fault.  So why not just double check and make a customer happy.

Do realize that i can hear everything you say from the moment you pull up to the speaker till you drive off. so if you're talking shit , dont act so suprised when im not exactly friendly when you get to the window.”

You know what, I don’t care if I am talking about the mean, nasty, ugly things your mother and I got up to last night, you will smile and be polite because it is YOUR JOB!!!!!!!!!

“If im busy taking an order, dont put your money on the ledge and not expect me to do the same thing with your change.”

I expect you to do what is best for the customer.  Is it really that hard for you to understand this?

“I fucking know what PLAIN means.. dont feel the need to include that means "meat and cheese only!"”

That’s funny, because I can think of at least five times in the last year when you didn’t know what “no pickles, no onions” meant.

“Dont order a large ice cream cone.. they're all one size.”

Again, it’s not my job to memorize your menu.

“Dont come through drive thru and then tell the manager at the 2nd window that i was rushing you. Drive thru is SUPPOSED to be fast.”

No, it’s supposed to be right first, fast second.  Again, five times in the last year.

“If you see me having a conversation for a few seconds with the car in front of you.. dont be an asshole and honk your horn.. you will get your food soon enough, chances are it isent even bagged yet.”

I thought drive through was supposed to be fast?

“DONT TALK SHIT as you are leaving the first window. I still have another window i can catch you at..and trust me I WILL.!”

And then you will be fired.  Feel better now?

Listen, as I said above I am a good customer.  I don’t ask for much, but crap like this bothers me.  I hope this person is found out and fired, because she doesn’t deserve to work at McDonalds … or maybe she does.  Can you think of any better punishment?

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