Sunday, November 27, 2005
More Snow For You!
Before we rant, let’s take a moment for viewer mail.
“Bet you just can't wait for the 5-10cm that may fall later today.”
This was in response to my rant about how stupid people get when it starts to snow. The day this was posted there was a call for more snow of up to 5-10cm.
First let me tell you, I have no idea how much 5-10 cm is. When I was brought up I was raised in that other way to measure stuff. (I forget what it’s called.) You know, “feet” instead of “Meters”. “Inches” instead of “cm”. That sort of thing.
So even though Canada has long ago switched to metric (A French invention, so no surprise we adopted it.) my brain doesn’t handle metric very well.
As an example, I know inches. Inches are my friend. I have a way of measuring inches quite easily. Twelve inches equal one foot, so if we get five inches of snow that means this much of my dick is covered with snow. QED!
So snow fell, and there is white stuff on the ground and I have no metric way of telling how much snow there is. (And I can’t stick my dick in the snow …….. anymore.)
So when you say 5-10 cm of snow, I don’t know, maybe we got it, maybe we didn’t. All I know is my dick is getting cold out here.
Now, as to those idiots out there, driving these magic boxes on wheels in the snow, let’s just say I was surprised.
My wife drove me to work during the snowfall. Most people on the road were quite good. They drove straight at a good constant, but not too fast, speed. Everyone signaled to change lanes. Hey, looks like my bad driver in the snow theory was being shot to hell.
Then he appeared. He was far back at first, but he was speeding and was soon on our tail and apparently not going anywhere. He was one of THOSE drivers. You know, he tailgates you, then slows down so there is a bit of room, then speeds up and tailgates again. I like to call that type “Fuckheadicus Snowdrivervich.”
But he wasn’t done; he finally changed lanes and passed us, and did it again to the next guy. Then he swerved into the lane in front of up, and did it to the next guy. As far as I freakin’ know he did it all the way to Timbuktu.
Then came the drive home at 10:30pm. Once again my wife was at the wheel, once again some freakin’ moron was swerving and tailgating, but this was a special sort of fuck head, for he didn’t have his headlights on. So not only was he driving like he had driving tourettes, but we could barely see him through the snow and the darkness. In other words, this was a special kind of moron who didn’t have long left in this world. And good on it. As far as I’m concerned this particular type of Homo Sapien deserves to die and thin out the gene pool.
Snow. Not just a bad white rapper, but good proof that Darwin was wrong.
Next Post: What the hell. More about snow and how no two are alike. (Stupid individual snow, like it’s better than us!)